Package for me!

We all had a go at getting up early today at 8:30am. It didn't suit any of us and I led the migration back to bed not long after our morning coffee.

At the crack of 11am our buzzer thing went and Mama answered. It was the postman. She got dressed and went downstairs to get whatever it was. A few things have come this way so I wasn't too fussed.

When Mama came back in she says 'Barney, it's your thingy!'

What's a thingy? I thought.

She opened it up in front of me and then I saw my thingy - it was my new snow suit thingy. 

The present from Auntie Toni!! They had sent it back because it was so over sized the first time (read the story here). Now it had arrived - would it be the right size? 

'Put it on, Put it on me!' I shouted. I was hopped up on excitement. After all, we had gone for a walk yesterday and I got dirty AGAIN.

So they put it on me.  First things first. It fits pretty good. Everyone was relieved.

However, they didn't put me in front of a mirror and this is my first time in a full body suit thingy. I felt a bit weird. How did I look?

I felt a bit fucking stupid to be honest. 'Put my hood on' I said, maybe that will make me look cool and from 'the street'.

They put it on, I bowed my head to look cool and whispered 'Do I look really cool?'

They didn't say anything. I heard a bit of a giggle. I looked up at them.

'Stop laughing, do I look fucking cool or not?' I demanded - in a very uncool way.

'Umm, well yea I guess so. You look great Barney. It will be good for you, you know, in the snow and that.'

They didn't sound convinced. 'Show me what I look like in this suit!' I demanded again.

They stood me up in front of the mirror.

I was flustered and I didn't feel too cool now. I was loosing my patience and the suit was getting quite hot. Before taking it off though I took a stroll around the lounge room for a test walk and my back foot came out of the back leg thing.

Papa said the leg thing wasn't a problem - we just didn't have the it zipped on properly. He also said if I really found it awkward those back legs can be zipped off. Good.

It wasn't raining today and I was still really tired from our early start so we didn't get to test it out in a real life scenario. I am really happy with it - whether I look cool or not, I am tired of getting dirty. I am sure the other dogs will be jealous of me.

Thanks Auntie Toni.

Piss off vandals!

A few weeks ago Mama and Papa had taken me to the East Side Gallery. This is the longest remaining stretch of the original Berlin Wall - about 1.3 kilometres long. We had checked it out and I liked it as a place to reflect on what was, and what now is. Plus there is lots of interesting murals all along the wall so that's cool too. Apparently it is the second most popular tourist attraction in Berlin, after the Brandenburg Gate.

This Friday just gone Papa told me that developers had received permission to remove a stretch of this wall. Bloody hell, there are already a couple of gaps in the wall, why do they need to make another one. Papa said its for a couple of reasons, one to give access to and re-build a bridge over the river that was destroyed in World War II and the other reason is that a luxury apartment block is also going there.

I though this was all bullshit so I said 'Papa, take me down there now please!'. So on Friday we went and there were only a couple of protesters and quite a few spectators.

Only a small section of the wall was taken out thanks to the protesters making too much disruption for the workers to continue. I went up to have a closer look and realised that for today our work was done so we left. Puppy power!

Yesterday Papa said 'Barney, there is going to be a big protest down at the wall on Sunday, do you think we should go?'. Fuck yea I said, lets send a message to those bastards that they can't destroy this cultural monument.

The irony isn't lost on me that 20 plus years ago people were protesting to pull the wall down and today we want to protest to keep it up.

The protest was at 2pm, so we left the house to get down there. We were running a bit late so we caught the bus to get there a bit quicker.

Once down at the wall, the fuzz was out in force and the roads were blocked.

 I took a moment away from the demonstration to stand between the wall, at the crux of the former east and west division. This is what we are protesting about, preserving the ability to appreciate the wall and its oppression in situ!

We then joined the crowd of thousands and I made my way to the section in question. Phew, the bastards haven't managed to get any more of it out...yet.

I stood there guarding it for a bit but then realised there was no need. No way they would be able to get to it today. That made me feel happy as I sat smugly next to the police officers that were guarding the section.

The main demonstration was in front of the damaged bit of the wall. Thousand of people as I said. We joined the crowd.

There was a bit of a stage and someone shouting about the wall (Die Berliner Mauer) and that it should be preserved. I asked Papa to lift me up and shouted back 'Yea, keep the wall, Piss off you vandals!'. People around me cheered. 

I like this feeling of activism, people don't mind me swearing here as everyone is hopped up on enthusiasm. Although when I called some guy an asshole for standing on my foot later on they didn't seem very pleased.

I hung around for a bit looking at the crowd and revelling in the power of the people and proud that my doggy voice also had a say.

By now I had my chance to be heard. We could go now.

 I had saved the wall for another day. Not on my watch dickheads.

Kaffemaschine

Since moving to Germany, Papa has been drinking horrible instant coffee at home. Mama and I won't touch the stuff. He doesn't seem to mind it much but every now and again he says "This stuff is shit, shame we can't have good coffee here at home".

So, while they have been at language classes I have been looking for a coffee machine for Papa. I found one that looked good on a website where people sell their second hand stuff.

I emailed the guy, who's name is Wolfgang. What a cliche! I said my Papa would like to buy the machine if it works 100%. Wolfie said it did. Sweet.

So when Papa came home yesterday I said "Papa, you don't have to drink that instant shit anymore, I've found you a really good machine!"

"Oh yea?" he said, "Where is it?"

"Some place called Rudow". I said, but I didn't know how to get there.

"Okay, let's check it out."

So Papa started texting with Wolfie about the price of the machine, if we could test it, and where the guy lived. Wolfie said he lived near a U-Bahn called Lipshitzallee but it would be too far on foot to his house. He would pick us up in his car and take us to his house to test the machine.

Papa said to me "Oh man Barney, going in a strangers car, what should we do? We can either test it and know we aren't getting ripped off, or we can take a gamble and just get him to bring the machine to the U-Bahn and not get murdered."

So I said to Papa "What would Nanna say if she found out you went in some strange dudes car?...she'd be pissed at you Papa. Don't do it!"

Taking my advice, Papa double checked with Wolfie that the machine was all in order and then just arranged for the transaction to 'go down' at the train station. We were to meet Wolfie at 16:00 - as they say in Germany.

Papa says that Rudow is a bit of a way away, so we had to leave home at 3pm (15:00 for the Germans). I was pretty excited, even though I pretended the machine is for Papa, I want the benefits of it too!!

We had to walk to the S-Barney first, and then take 3 separate trains. What an adventure for me!

It didn't take us as long as expected, so we arrived at the Lipshitzallee station at 3:35pm. Papa and I keep laughing at the station name..hahaha. Lipshitz.

As we were early, we went for a little walk around the area. Papa kept saying "This is so Clockwork Orange'ey", I'm not really sure what he meant but he said it was a film that this place reminded him of. This place is much different to ours, huge apartment blocks everywhere.

Papa then started to try to inform us about the area, but Mama and I didn't really give a shit. He said "This whole area was designed by a guy called Walter Gropius, and is called Gropiusstadt. He was the founder of the Bauhaus design school and a giant of Modern Architecture. Unfortunately his goal in this area for a harmonious city area didn't really eventuate and this area has been know for crime and other troubles ever since it was built in 1960."

As I said. No one gives a shit. Where's Wolfie?

Even with Papa's 'amazing' story, we still had time to kill, so we took in some of Gropius's work. Clockwork Orange, Modernism, Harmony? Whatevs.

Finally, well bang on 16:00, Wolfie arrived. He didn't look like the serial killer we were expecting and he walked us back to his car. Papa tried to take sneaky pictures of him just in case he tried to kill us and we needed to go to the police.

At the car Wolfie showed us the machine. Mama and Papa were impressed at how good it was. Yay for me for picking it out! 55 Euros they got it for. He told us to bring a big bag, however ours was not big enough! So Wolfie kindly gave us one to take.Not bad eh!

We waved Wolfie goodbye and got back on the three trains home, with our machine. Woo hoo!

At home Papa filled it up, water and beans. Had Wolfie ripped us off? No, the thing is bloody perfect. 

Its a Saeco Giro, three years old and barely used, Wolfie said. Papa made the coffees and I finally got to have a decent cup'o'java at home.  

Who's the hero in this story? ME!

bonanza

This week Mama and Papa have been disappearing every day at the same time. They told me that they are attending a German course for the next few weeks. I thought they already spoke German?

Yesterday before they left, Papa said 'Don't worry, we are going out to our restaurant later, we'll be back soon.' And then they chucked me in my crate and left. I was feeling pretty tired anyway.

By the time we went out to our restaurant, the Kurhaus Korsakow, I was still tired but I do love going outside. We sat in a different spot in the restaurant where I could see everything. It was tiring for me to say 'Hi' to everyone that walked in. I kept barking at Mama to feed me a bit of her schnitzel and she always did! (Papa never does..Boooo!)

After they were done I thought we were going home. I was really tired. But instead they took me for more of a walk. We went on a U-Barney somewhere. The train is fun but I get a bit scared. Because I am so little, sometimes people don't see me and I am always at risk of getting stepped on. Most of these fuckwits are on their phones or listening to their music with headphones on to notice me. Papa tries to keep me safe but I always pull away trying to see what is going on.

Out of the train we went for a walk, and then we got the U-Barney again back to our neighbourhood. More fuckwits with phones trying to step on me. Out of the U-Barney again we got a tram a very short distance home. Papa keeps saying 'How good are these month cards eh!' Not sure what he means.

I was absolutely stuffed by the time we got home.

This morning before they left Papa sat me down and said 'Sorry Barney, we have to leave again and you won't be going outside at all today'. Shit.

When they came back in the afternoon I wasn't having it. I wanted to go outside. I said 'Papa, while you have been out I have been checking out shit on the internet and apparently one of the best coffee places in Berlin is a tram ride away. Take me there!'.

Papa didn't need convincing so we got the tram up to Prenzlauer Berg.

The place I selected is called 'Bonanza Coffee Heroes'. They roast their own beans and have a special coffee machine and everyone reckons its ace.

The guy that made the coffees looked like 'Shaggy' from Scooby Doo! But he made a good coffee.

I wasn't allowed inside so we had our coffees outside. We were literally 'chilling' out there.

Good coffee as I said, very smooth and not very hot, just the right temperature. This meant we finished them pretty quickly.

Before getting back on the tram I needed to sniff out the place.

And then leave my calling card. This is my tree now...as are several others on the way there and back.

We took the tram back and Papa held me most of the way to protect me from all the feet and lots of prams.

I'm glad I made them take me there, good coffee and a nice day out for me.

suits for horses

After reading about my frequent dirty fur outside exploits my benefactor decided to do something about it. She (Young, slim, vibrant Auntie Toni) ordered me a new snow jacket. She had read that Mama and Papa bought a non waterproof cheapie that clearly wasn't doing the job. She would fix things she told me in an email.

But then a disruption to the plan. The jacket she ordered was too small. I never saw it, but she thought it would be after seeing how I've filled out recently. So, she spoke with Mama and Papa and then ordered me another one and had it sent directly to my house here in Berlin.

Yesterday the door phone buzzer thing rang in our apartment and it was the Deutsche Post lady. Papa went to get it. All of us gathered around to open the package. We knew what it was because Auntie Toni gave us the heads up it was coming.

I was waiting to see my new jacket. Mama broke open the package and then to all our shock we saw that the thing was, how do I say, a little too big. When I say a little, I actually mean waaaaay too big. We didn't even try to put it on me as it was so clear that it was sized to fit a human or a pony.

We all had a bit of a laugh and then felt bad that Auntie Toni's efforts had come to a chuckle. And such a shame as this thing is like a onesie, I could roll around in all kinds of crap and come out squeaky clean.

Then all of a sudden Mama and Papa started measuring me, with Papa's belt. Last time they did it with a bit of paper.

It was clear now why Mama and Papa had measured me before with the paper. They had given Auntie Toni the sizes. THEY had fucked it up and now we had a hot air balloon in the house. Unbelievable. Buy a measuring tape already.

I said to them 'You fucked it up, you sort it out'. So they got in touch with Aunty Toni today and apparently are now getting something done about it. They better! I'm sorry they are such morons Aunty Toni.

I better not miss out on any walks because of this.

quiet on the salty

So I've been quiet with my blog. So what. Well, actually, I'll tell you why. It because I can't flipping say what I flipping want.

Here's how it went down.

So, we've been going for walks and what not and I've been telling you all how it has been going for me... in my own way. Then Papa sits me down last week and says:

'Well Barney, it's great you are writing your own stories but you have got to tone down the salty language. People think you are a cute little doggie, but they are finding out that you are foul mouthed. Is that how you want to be seen?'

'Sugar'. I said. 'Can't I flipping well write what I flipping well want?'

'Well in a way yes, but if you don't relax on the swearing a bit I am going to have to review your writing and change it'. Papa said. 'If you need to emphasise certain things, then why not substitute certain words, like instead of saying f*ck, why not write "flip" and instead of sh*t, you could write "sugar", what do you think?'

'Flip that, this is bullsugar and flipping censorship man. You can flip off. This is sugar.'

'Come on Barney, there's no need to be like that' he said.

'But I learnt all these words from you Papa, and then some!' I said.

'Ssshhh' he said. 'It's okay for you and I to shoot the sugar with the sailor language at home, but I am expecting a bit of maturity from you. You don't hear my flipping swearing all the time do you? Well not ALL the time anyway'.

Then he said 'I don't want to have to threaten you but if you don't calm it down a bit we might have to wash your mouth out with soap'.

And then he showed me the soap and a toothbrush. That seems like a flipping threat to me. And what the flip does soap have to do with this sugary situation anyway?

I was flipping fuming. Papa is the biggest hypocrite, and Mama too if she thinks she's the angel of language as well. I wonder if she is on this 'sit down intervention' as well and just made Papa do the dirty work.

Papa said I should think about it, and that he would 'review' my next blog story if I decided to keep writing. I told him that changing my words would make the stories sugar, that he could flip off and then I went to bed.

But I did think it over during the night. And over the week I guess I have come to understand a bit more about why they felt the need to sit me down. But! I don't agree with changing  how I express my self. That's me man, that's how I write, and if something is flipped, then I'm gonna call it and say it's flipped. Why soften it by saying 'flip' when you can say what you really want and shout it out...FLIIIIIIP!

Also over the week Mama and Papa have been really good to me and I realised that they are really good to me all the time. Since moving to Berlin they are around ALL the time. I asked them yesterday and they said 'We stopped working so that we can spend more time together as a family, and we moved countries so that you can come with us more often when we go places that ordinarily you wouldn't have been allowed to go to'.

I thought about what they said. They are absolutely right, but I didn't tell them that.

And then, they took me out last night to dinner, at 'our' place, the 'Kurhaus Korsakow', partly because Papa like a bargain and Mama loves a schnitzel but also because its a restaurant they know they can take me to without hassle.

On the walk there and back most of the snow had melted and I got myself dirty again. On the way home they stopped so I could enjoy a light show on the footpath, but they knew I was dirty and wanted to help me get clean.

At home Papa said he would try and make things easier for me and wash me in the hand basin.

It didn't work and he had to wash me in the shower. Mama had to dry me with the towel, and they both combed and dried me off with the hairdryer.

Thinking about it, they are really doing the rightey by me and  the swearing thing is just a little bump in the road. It seems that everything is forgiven. I love them, they love me. And I am back writing. I don't know how things will go from here with the writing stuff, but I ain't changin' my views and style. If it keeps being a problem maybe I'll write less, or stop altogether. I don't want it to come between us.

I wonder if Papa will really check my writing this time, and change my flips to flips and my sugars to sugars?.