Snow is not always my friend

Usually I love snow. Love love love it. Love walking in it, love playing in it. Love peeing on it.

And this week we had a great snowfall. So nice outside and I was even let of the lead for a bit - until I ran away then they kept closer hold of me.

Look how nice it was earlier this week...

So nice and white and snowy and fun.

So for the next few days I would ask Mama and Papa - 'Can I come out in the snow again today'. Everyday I asked and everyday they said 'No'. I was pissed. 'Why NOT?!' and they would say, 'It's not as nice as you think out there Barney, it hasn't snowed since the nice day, now it's just cold and dirty and mushy crap'.

I didn't believe them. This morning I woke them up...'I WANT TO GO OUT TODAY'. They said 'Okay Barney, but we warned you...it's not as nice as you think out there'.

And we went out. I was excited at first but then it turned out they were right. I hate admitting that, but they were. The nice snow was gone and the footpaths were just either mush or ice with grit on top. Not nice for my feet. Shit was getting stuck in my paws and it was making the whole of my body so cold.

I looked at Mama and said 'I think I need to be picked up, I can't feel my legs'.

She picked me up and said 'Okay Barney, we'll go home now'.

But then Papa pipes up, 'Hey, look at that sign Barney, lets get a photo with you and your lead tied to it'

'Why' I said.

'Because the sign says that dogs need to be on the lead here and it will be funny if we take it literally and actually put your lead on the sign'. He said.

Needless to say, I did NOT think his literal take on the sign was funny. AT. ALL.

I regretted begging to come out today. Look at my face, that's not a dog that's enjoying his walk.

No way, not today.

New snow or NO SNOW...that's my new motto.

The snow is back!

Mama and Papa went out on Monday (without me) and when they came back they said 'Wow Barney, you don't want to be out there, its SO cold and icy - you would hate it!'

It did sound shit outside so I was happy to stay in and relax.

On Tuesday they went out again (without me) and when they came back they said 'Wow Barney, there's SNOW everywhere, the whole city looks like it has been dusted in icing sugar!!'

Oh man...I like snow, I felt so left out. 'Why didn't you take me with you?' I said. 'We had shit to do and you aren't allowed in the place we had to go'.

Pfft, so offended.

So today I woke up and had a look outside. Still snow everywhere. I ran to bed and woke them up 'Do you have shit to do today?'

'Nope' they said...'but we'd like to keep sleeping!'

'You can sleep later, take me to the snow PLLLEEAAASSSEEE'.

So with my enthusiasm they got me dressed up in the snow suit Auntie Tone gave me and we went for a walk. Phew it was fresh outside.

Things smell different, but I can still tell that my 'kind' have been here before...

and I had to check out the bushes...

And Papa and I stood outside the supermarket as Mama got some stuff...

And back in our Hof courtyard I jumped in the garden to smell everything there too....

Mama and Papa were all like 'Oh Barney must you'...and I'm like 'I'm in the fucking snow suit, I can do this shit and not get dirty'...I was having fun and they just want to put a downer on it all.

So I came out of the 'foliage' and guess what - I was CLEAN!! YEA!

I love the snow, and my snow suit keeps the olds off my back about getting dirty.

Wooo Hooo, the snow is back!

Der Große Bunkerberg

It's been a little while since I've been out and about for a decent walk. So today I said to Mama and Papa 'LET'S GO WALKIES!'

'Where to?' they asked, and I said 'Let's go to the Volkspark Friedrichshain and climb the big bunker mountain thing'...'okay' they said.

So off we went, a reasonable walk to the Friedrichshain park and quite a nice day too. Now, what is this bunker thing? Well, at this park are two 'hills' which were formerly anti-aircraft towers built for some scuffle the Germans had with some other countries a million years ago.

Since that snafu was settled, the flak towers were destroyed and covered over in rubble and earth. Now they appear to be natural hills with trees all over.

In our local park there are two of this hills, a 'small' one and a 'big' one. We'd been to the top of the small one before and so now we went to the big one.

I was surprised when we got to the big hill that Papa let me off the leash. They never usually let me do that. I though 'wow, they are really trusting me, I'll be good for them and stay close by'.

I felt so happy being off the leash, being part of 'the team' rather than being pulled in whichever way THEY want to go.

Then as I was walking up a long line of steps I heard Papa say to Mama 'so yea, he can't really run away from us coz there's only this path and nowhere else to go...'

Fuckers. They still don't trust me.

So I ran off.

But I got tired quickly and they caught up with me and put me back on the leash. Bah. 

Up the top of the Große Bunkerberg is was quite muddy as we had some rain overnight - so being back on the lead was no biggie - Papa needed to carry me over the crap anyway. I said that they better put me on the ledge for a photo, and then we could go.

We went back down the hill on another path, and apart from some concrete sticking out of the ground, you would never realise that this thing was a former flak tower! Pretty cool eh.

 It was quite a big walk for me, so I recommended that we go home. It was getting dark and cold and I was knackered.

I think it was a pretty good suggestion from me to go there, they seemed to enjoy it and I liked being off the lead (until I realised they still don't trust me).

Good on me. Suggestion King.

New Years Eve - I don't care for it

So we've had a friend stay with us recently, which you can read about in Mama and Papa's blog Mark Visits.

He came to see us, sightsee in Berlin and take part in Berlin's 'crazy' New Years celebrations.

I fucking hate New Years Eve, which you may have read from last year, in my stories Who is Silvester? and Parenting.

This year on New Years Eve, Papa told me that they were going out for a party and I'd be alone. I said 'That's cool with me'.

But..

Then Papa says, 'I know you haven't been out all day, so I'll take you for a run around the block and you will get to see that there is nothing to be afraid of.'

I didn't think it was a good idea, but he said it would be for the best.

So we get all dressed up to go outside and once out on the street he starts running. 'What the fuck is this?' I thought, we don't run. We just don't.

And just as I'm thinking this, BANG!, we ran over something that exploded. Papa and I both shout out 'Fuck, what was that' and we look back to see a little child and his dad setting off fireworks on the footpath.

We slow to a brisk walk and Papa says to me 'Wow, I didn't see that one' and I said, 'Yea, coz we were fucking running, dickhead' Geez.

I was packing it by now, but instead of going home, Papa decides to head up to Frankfurter Tor - where people are going crazy already with their fireworks. I'm pretty scared at this point...I mean take a look at my fur - I'm fucking flammable!

He picks me up at this point, I'm shaking with fear and he says 'Maybe we better go home'. No shit.

Back at home we get behind the front door of our apartment block - safe behind the metal and glass. I'm still freaking out.

Papa says, 'Don't worry, you are safe now' and I am relieved to be back on my own turf, away from these pyromaniacal morons.

'Take me inside, let me hide'.

Back in my pad I crashed from physical and emotional exhaustion. I guess he was right in one way - as I was so tired I slept through most of the evening (once they pissed off to their party) and listened to all those bombs going off outside from my bed.

I'm glad this shit is over for another year.

More Christmas Presents!

So it has been Christmas time again.

On Christmas eve we hosted a little soiree at ours. The night was good and I thought it was almost over when I got told 'Barney come over here!'

It was a Christmas prezzie for me! ...some food treat things. Aww thanks!

It was really late and I passed out on the couch. They kept going.

The next day, Christmas Day, Mama and Papa said 'Now we have a couple more presents for you!'

I really wasn't expecting more and was quite surprised.

The first thing was a ball. I couldn't work it out at first.

Then I realised that they put food in there and then I am supposed to get it out. Sounds frustrating but I'll give it a try.

The other thing was a chew toy.

I started playing with the ball thing but it was really pissing me off. It's too big to hold and I can't stop it rolling around. I looked at them 'Are you fucking serious? I am supposed to get food out of that stupid little hole in that big ball? GEEZ!'

The next day I played with my new toys. As usual I broke the chew toy almost straight away. Those things shouldn't be called chew toys if I can chew and break them!

I also had another go at the treat ball thing. This thing gets me so annoyed. It fucking rolls all over the house and the food inside doesn't come out easily. I run around after it like some kind of idiot and barely get any reward. I'm starting to fucking hate it, but I do want to get those treats out and refuse to let it go until they are all mine!!!

It's very tiring work though and I need a break now and then.

Spandau Christmas Markets 2013

Last year when Mama and Papa went to the Christmas Markets, they wouldn't stop going on about how good the Spandau ones were. 'You should have seen it', they kept saying.

Well maybe if they fucking took me I'd see it!

So I said, 'You better take me this year'

And they did!

So we caught the train to Alexanderplatz, met up with my friends there and then continued to Spandau.

Mama and Papa weren't wrong, this Christmas Market is really nice. I've been to Spandau a few times before and I love the old town. At Christmas time almost all the streets of the old town are lined with Christmas stalls. It was so good.

They even have some games and rides.

A common thing at Christmas Markets is Glühwein, which is pretty much hot wine. We had met up with some local Germans and they recommended we drink some Feuerzangenbowle, which is similar to Glühwein, except that it has rum soaked sugar burnt into it. They make the stuff in front of your and its very interesting. It tastes a lot better than Glühwein.

We liked this shit so we went back twice!

Spandau is so nice that even the streets that don't have Christmas stalls in them still are decorated so nicely.

The main streets were pretty busy, so I needed to be lifted up so I didn't get stepped on.

And of course as soon as I'm up at human face height, everyone wants a photo.

It was a lot of fun.

We said goodbye to our German friends and hopped back on the train home.

I had fun!

One Year In Berlin Anniversary

Can you believe it, the 18th of December marked Mama and Papa's one year anniversary of living in Berlin.
My one year is coming up on the 20th. Why is mine different from theirs you ask? Well that's because of the super fucking long different flight I took, which I wrote about last year in my post Apparently I've moved to Berlin.

So with it being their one year milestone they said they were going to celebrate it with Tom and Danika - as we've all almost been here the same amount of time now.

I thought, fucking great, bet I don't get to come.

I said, 'If I'm not coming, what are we doing for my anniversary on Friday?'

They said that they weren't celebrating my anniversary, but that we would all celebrate tonight together.

'Oh yea' I said? And where are we going?

'We are going to our favourite steakhouse, the one where you are allowed to come' Papa said.

But then I thought, they don't have month cards for the trains any more and I didn't want to walk that far in the cold. So I asked 'How the fuck are we getting there then?'

'Don't worry Barney' Papa said 'I've worked something special for you, we are taking the bikes...no walking'.

Sounded exciting to me.

But guess what it was?

He put me in a fucking bag. Yep. A bag.

And even more embarrassing, he didn't trust me not to jump out so he zipped it shut and only left a small hole for me to breath out of.

How embarrassing

It wasn't too bad though, eventually I managed to wiggle my head out and I could see what was going on, but it wasn't the best view.

So we made it to the restaurant and I didn't suffocate. To be honest I could get used to getting carried around. Better than that 10 kilometre walk they took me on at the start of the week. Geez I was knackered after that.

At the restaurant we celebrated our one year in Berlin. Apparently I was naughty because I was barking too much - hey it's my special day too. Mama keeps caving in and feeding me under the table. Papa gives me nothing.

On the way back home, Papa said he could make a slight adjustment to give me some more room to see - but he still zipped me in. This new arrangement was much better, I could get my whole head out and my paws too. This was great. I got to say hi to everyone as we went past. The faces on these Germans though - you would think they had never seen a dog in a bag on a bike before.

The ride back home was much nicer for me. I really enjoyed it. What a great way to get chauffeured around. I said to Papa 'I think we should do this more often, I'm done with walking!'

He said 'No Barney, this will be for special occasions only. You are getting fat and old as it is and you need the exercise, so we will stick to the normal walking most of the time'.

Fat and old?! Don't beat around the bush Papa! (he's got a point though).