Food for thought

I'm fucking outraged.

I know i'm getting older...I can fucking count okay, but the condescending shit they are feeding me? That's just taking the piss.

Usually at meal time I go up to Mama (or sometimes Papa if she won't feed me) and they finally get up and ask me what I want.

It usually goes:
"Okay Barney, you can have Hühn und Gemuse, or Rind mit Fruhlingssalat"...some German shit like that.

This week, faced with too many choice I asked them to lay down the options so I could think it over. They brought out three 'sachets' of food for me to choose from.

Check these insults out...

So Adult...not so bad...I am eleven after all. I can deal with that. Plus it's 100% Bio Organic they reckon, so Mama and Papa are buying me the good shit. But then Mama said she only bought it because it was on special. The point is...I still remember when I was getting puppy food. Now I'm considered an 'Adult'. Okay...we all grow up.

But then the next choice,

Vital 10+...what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Vital sounds like life support. I'm still sprightly, fuck your 'vital' shit.

But the last one takes the prize as the most humiliating,

SENIOR! fucking SENIOR?! and look at that sad mustached fucking almost dead dog in the picture. Outrageous. I can't tell you how pissed off I was to see this. Fuck the senior food, fuck Winston.

I still ate it though....I mean, I still gotta eat right?

I'm Eleven!

I can't believe it, I'm already eleven! I think I slept through most of this year, so when Mama and Papa said it was my birthday already I was totally surprised.

They asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, so the first thing I did was check the weather. The bullshit weather has been all over the place...and wouldn't you know it, after a nice weekend it was supposed to fucking rain on my birthday.

So, while they looked on, I said, 'Fuck it! even though it's the day before my birthday, let's take advantage of the good weather and go to the Mauerpark markets!'

Everyone was happy with that so we took the tram up there.

I love the markets, but it's a dangerous place for me, busy and I'm easily trod on. Papa picks me up when I need him.

It's busy everywhere...everyone knew it was probably the last nice day of the year...

Out in the park area there's always weird shit happening. Bands, people having picnics and here were some ballerinas doing a photo shoot...

Hmmm.....

On the courts, with the dudes...

And at the Bearpit Karaoke...

And back in the mix. Very exciting!

I needed some ice cream. Mmmmmm.

And then back on the tram back home. There's roadworks near us, on Warschauerstraße, and the road was blocked to traffic. I loved being naughty and walking where I'm not normally allowed.

 And that was the Sunday. On my birthday Monday, as predicted, the weather was shitty. Daddy made me a special Birthday Burger. Umm...it was unconventional but we liked eating it together.

Modersohnbrücke Sonnenuntergang

Summer has been great, but honestly I'm getting older and I don't like walking so much anymore. But - that doesn't mean I don't like going out! So Papa has finally sorted out a workable solution with his second 'lastenrad' for me to get chauffeured from point to point without getting stashed in the bag.

I present to you, the padded barney mover...

And with that we went to meet Papa's friend at the Modersohnbrücke to watch the sunset. Such a typical thing to do.

We got there early, so I got to sit in my padded basket and enjoy the moment alone, ahhhh Berlin!

There were other people around, so I got out because they were laughing at me...fuckers.

And then PRONTO, our friend arrived :)

Of course I was paparazzi fodder as usual,

And we had some beers,

And we watched the sunset of course,

But what I liked most was looking at my padded basket... the places I can get to now!

But it was hot that night, and even with the wind blowing through my fur on the ride home, I was overheatin'

Thank fuck for Klarry.

Tanks very much

The weather has been crazy here in Berlin. One minute it's raining so I can't go out, then next it's so hot that I can't go out. It's enough to make a doggy go bat shit crazy.

So I try to amuse myself at home.

First I made myself into a robot, 

That turned out to be too easy and only seconds of fun. So I asked Papa to help me make something more elaborate.

He said, "What about a tank?"

I thought I would look like a fucking idiot, but went with it anyway.

We stuck some bits together and I put it on.

I wasn't really sure...

But Papa said it looked ok, so I went with it.

It's got a bit of maneuverability, 

Pretty good side profile, 

And the important 'sit'ability'.

Now I'm going to take the u-bahn while wearing it :)

Ku'damm Day

Yea yea yea, I know it's been a long time since my last entry.

Not doing much you think?

Au contraire dear reader! - in fact, I've been too fucking busy!

In our humble household we have been having visitor after visitor and I have been run off my four little feet. It's been all outings and parties and well, to be frank, I couldn't be arsed to write it all down.

But, fret not, I've a little time on my hands and thought I'd tell you about my trip out to the West side of town, to the Kurfürstenstraße, or as we call it in Berlin - the Ku'damm. This is all shops and pretty high end stuff. It's very different from my neighbourhood. Nice for a change, but I wouldn't want to live there.


To start of we went to 'Kaufhaus Des Westens'.

Wouldn't you know it, those snooty mutha f's wouldn't let me in. Fuck em. I stayed outside and pissed on their tree. 

Papa went inside and then came to tell me about 'the cool view I should've seen from the top'. Hmm, My dad went to Ka De We and all I got was this shitty photo.

At least the cool people at UNIQLO aren't so square. I got to play on their cool stairs and have a good look around.

Outside more trees needed to be sniffed (and watered).

Did you know there is a new'ish shopping centre in that area called 'Bikini Berlin'? Well the cool thing about it is that its build RIGHT next to the zoo - and there is a window peeking inside to the monkeys. Papa and I watched them together.

And we chilled out on the bench for a while.

And then I got bored.

So we went to do something else. Inside Bikini Berlin they were running some competition. Opa said I was the winner. I have this photo to prove it.

Later, Opa and I had a snack together.

And once refueled we went to check out some bombed out church.

And then I don't know how, but I got involved with a group of bears, then was riding a bear. I think I am king of the bears.

It's hungry work being king of the bears, so we got some snacks at Back Werk. 

I was full and had enough of the big day, so we got the U-Bahn home from the Zoo station. That's a new thing you know, to be able to go direct from Zoo to home...on the U12. If you aren't from Berlin that won't sound strange, but basically they have combined the U1 and the U2 for a while so they can do some works on the lines. Very strange, but very convenient at times too!

I love riding the U-Bahn with Papa.

It's a great place to people watch.

So there you go - that's one day out of my hectic life. I've been here there and everywhere but I just don't have the time to tell you all about every little thing I'm doing - not when I need to entertain guests.

Radler in the park

Finally, fucking finally, the weather is better!

Time to get to the park!!!!!

At the end of last year's picnic season I had a Radler (beer / lemonade mix) leftover. I was saving it for today, the first proper sun of the year. How coincidental was it then that the expiry date on my Radler was today! 18 March 2015. Unglaublich.

It was so good to get out into nature and be able to lay down without getting dirty. Also good to be able to eat some sticks.

But I was really hanging for my Radler, so I got my paper, the 'Berliner Woche' and started drinking and reading.

It can get to your head a bit, but I love the stuff.

I might have a drinking problem, but hey, I don't drink in the winter so back off.

And winter keeps going

Berlin weather is shit, shit, shit.

I've been going cabin crazy this week, so I went for a walk to the Ostbahnhof. Fucking raining.

So even though I had to get carried through the mud,

I still ended up in the bloody shower, 

 Enough of winter and rain and shitty days.

I want picnic season to start.