Mitarbeiter

So you wonder why I've been quiet? well basically I just can't be bothered anymore. Mama and Papa do their own thing, and then I do mine. They don't let me on the computer much these days.

Anyway, we weren't talking for a while and the situation was getting a bit stressful around the house. I thought I'd break the ice, so I asked Papa 'What's wrong?'.

He said he has been really busy at work. I said 'I can help!'....he thought about it for a while and then surprised me this week by packing me in his backpack and riding me to work!

I, of course, was an instant hit with the other workers...

And despite offering to help Papa with his work, he told me to 'chill'...and 'chill' I did.

The only problem was when I went for a pee in the courtyard and was ambushed by the cat that lives under the BMW. Fucking feline scared the shit out of me. The word around the offices are that this cat is an asshole. So I'll have to be wary of old Blackie next time I go to work.

A real Christmas tree!

This year I said, "Hey I want a real proper bloody Christmas tree!"

Mamma and Papa said - OK!

We went to one of the stalls that people set up on the streets in Berlin, but these jokers want waaay too much. Papa said that he wouldn't pay that amount.

I thought he'd put his foot down and we wouldn't get one at all, but one day he came home from work and said, "Hey everyone, get the bike, we're getting the tree!"

I wondered, "Where would we get this thing from?"

Maybe a forest, like I saw on tellie, where people go and choose and cut down their own tree. That would be cool I thought.

But we didn't walk anywhere near a forest, I knew the way. He was taking us to the fucking hardware store.

Mama parked the bike.

I was skeptical. How good could a hardware store tree be?

"Barney, you won't believe it when you go through those doors."

I didn't believe him...but went anyway. Whatever Papa.

But the guy was not kidding, far-fucking-out, there was heaps to choose from!

This is just some of them...

Me and Mamma walked the tree aisles, looking for 'the one'.

It was hard to find, good shape, straight stem and places to hang all our crap. But we got it!!! I took guard. No one was going to nick my tree!

"Check out my tree!!!" I told everyone as we pushed to the checkout...

And then we had to wait in the checkout line for the moron at the till.

And then finally out!! Woo hoo, me and my tree :) Super dooper happy.

But then I realised I had to walk because my basket was taken by the tree. Bloody tree.

And back home, through Berghain (best club) and just to our place on the other side.

Very satisfied with my tree :)

Merry Christmas 2015 people!!

Winter walks begin again

It seems I'm getting taken out for walks now more than ever before. I don't know what it is but I mostly like it.

My neighbourhood is the shit and there is always something to see.

Down at the Jaegerstube...

Seeing who has been here lately...sniff sniff

Mama and Papa think this kind of shit is adorable...its a bear, I'm a dog, what's the point?

There's always some new graffiti to check out...

and then there's fucking rain...

so we go to Humana, the best second hand shop in Berlin...

with too many fucking steps...

and idiot dogs...

even outside I need to be on my guard all the time, this white one was busting my chops. 'Piss off!' I said....

But I do love my 'hood, look at this cool view, of me, the architecture is ok too.

Here we are riding an elevator to collect a package from a neighbour...woo hoo, no steps!

and outside again, in the fucking puddles...

which leave me dirty as a mo'fo...

which means mandatory shower time, when all I wanna do is sleep. For F's sake...

Out and about again, and I need to deal with the bullshit Dogism that some shops openly display. Fuck em, I piss on their shop...

And this brings us to today...Papa says 'You'll love this Barney, it's a dog run where you can go free!'

Has he seen these thug dogs they let in here...geez I thought I was going to get eaten.

And Mama's no fucking help...on the safe side of the fence....

I had to make my own way out of there...

But that's Friedrichshain for you, danger and excitement, all in the heart of Berlin - I wouldn't have it any other way. Peace!

Food for thought

I'm fucking outraged.

I know i'm getting older...I can fucking count okay, but the condescending shit they are feeding me? That's just taking the piss.

Usually at meal time I go up to Mama (or sometimes Papa if she won't feed me) and they finally get up and ask me what I want.

It usually goes:
"Okay Barney, you can have Hühn und Gemuse, or Rind mit Fruhlingssalat"...some German shit like that.

This week, faced with too many choice I asked them to lay down the options so I could think it over. They brought out three 'sachets' of food for me to choose from.

Check these insults out...

So Adult...not so bad...I am eleven after all. I can deal with that. Plus it's 100% Bio Organic they reckon, so Mama and Papa are buying me the good shit. But then Mama said she only bought it because it was on special. The point is...I still remember when I was getting puppy food. Now I'm considered an 'Adult'. Okay...we all grow up.

But then the next choice,

Vital 10+...what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Vital sounds like life support. I'm still sprightly, fuck your 'vital' shit.

But the last one takes the prize as the most humiliating,

SENIOR! fucking SENIOR?! and look at that sad mustached fucking almost dead dog in the picture. Outrageous. I can't tell you how pissed off I was to see this. Fuck the senior food, fuck Winston.

I still ate it though....I mean, I still gotta eat right?

I'm Eleven!

I can't believe it, I'm already eleven! I think I slept through most of this year, so when Mama and Papa said it was my birthday already I was totally surprised.

They asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, so the first thing I did was check the weather. The bullshit weather has been all over the place...and wouldn't you know it, after a nice weekend it was supposed to fucking rain on my birthday.

So, while they looked on, I said, 'Fuck it! even though it's the day before my birthday, let's take advantage of the good weather and go to the Mauerpark markets!'

Everyone was happy with that so we took the tram up there.

I love the markets, but it's a dangerous place for me, busy and I'm easily trod on. Papa picks me up when I need him.

It's busy everywhere...everyone knew it was probably the last nice day of the year...

Out in the park area there's always weird shit happening. Bands, people having picnics and here were some ballerinas doing a photo shoot...

Hmmm.....

On the courts, with the dudes...

And at the Bearpit Karaoke...

And back in the mix. Very exciting!

I needed some ice cream. Mmmmmm.

And then back on the tram back home. There's roadworks near us, on Warschauerstraße, and the road was blocked to traffic. I loved being naughty and walking where I'm not normally allowed.

 And that was the Sunday. On my birthday Monday, as predicted, the weather was shitty. Daddy made me a special Birthday Burger. Umm...it was unconventional but we liked eating it together.