Kaffemaschine

Since moving to Germany, Papa has been drinking horrible instant coffee at home. Mama and I won't touch the stuff. He doesn't seem to mind it much but every now and again he says "This stuff is shit, shame we can't have good coffee here at home".

So, while they have been at language classes I have been looking for a coffee machine for Papa. I found one that looked good on a website where people sell their second hand stuff.

I emailed the guy, who's name is Wolfgang. What a cliche! I said my Papa would like to buy the machine if it works 100%. Wolfie said it did. Sweet.

So when Papa came home yesterday I said "Papa, you don't have to drink that instant shit anymore, I've found you a really good machine!"

"Oh yea?" he said, "Where is it?"

"Some place called Rudow". I said, but I didn't know how to get there.

"Okay, let's check it out."

So Papa started texting with Wolfie about the price of the machine, if we could test it, and where the guy lived. Wolfie said he lived near a U-Bahn called Lipshitzallee but it would be too far on foot to his house. He would pick us up in his car and take us to his house to test the machine.

Papa said to me "Oh man Barney, going in a strangers car, what should we do? We can either test it and know we aren't getting ripped off, or we can take a gamble and just get him to bring the machine to the U-Bahn and not get murdered."

So I said to Papa "What would Nanna say if she found out you went in some strange dudes car?...she'd be pissed at you Papa. Don't do it!"

Taking my advice, Papa double checked with Wolfie that the machine was all in order and then just arranged for the transaction to 'go down' at the train station. We were to meet Wolfie at 16:00 - as they say in Germany.

Papa says that Rudow is a bit of a way away, so we had to leave home at 3pm (15:00 for the Germans). I was pretty excited, even though I pretended the machine is for Papa, I want the benefits of it too!!

We had to walk to the S-Barney first, and then take 3 separate trains. What an adventure for me!

It didn't take us as long as expected, so we arrived at the Lipshitzallee station at 3:35pm. Papa and I keep laughing at the station name..hahaha. Lipshitz.

As we were early, we went for a little walk around the area. Papa kept saying "This is so Clockwork Orange'ey", I'm not really sure what he meant but he said it was a film that this place reminded him of. This place is much different to ours, huge apartment blocks everywhere.

Papa then started to try to inform us about the area, but Mama and I didn't really give a shit. He said "This whole area was designed by a guy called Walter Gropius, and is called Gropiusstadt. He was the founder of the Bauhaus design school and a giant of Modern Architecture. Unfortunately his goal in this area for a harmonious city area didn't really eventuate and this area has been know for crime and other troubles ever since it was built in 1960."

As I said. No one gives a shit. Where's Wolfie?

Even with Papa's 'amazing' story, we still had time to kill, so we took in some of Gropius's work. Clockwork Orange, Modernism, Harmony? Whatevs.

Finally, well bang on 16:00, Wolfie arrived. He didn't look like the serial killer we were expecting and he walked us back to his car. Papa tried to take sneaky pictures of him just in case he tried to kill us and we needed to go to the police.

At the car Wolfie showed us the machine. Mama and Papa were impressed at how good it was. Yay for me for picking it out! 55 Euros they got it for. He told us to bring a big bag, however ours was not big enough! So Wolfie kindly gave us one to take.Not bad eh!

We waved Wolfie goodbye and got back on the three trains home, with our machine. Woo hoo!

At home Papa filled it up, water and beans. Had Wolfie ripped us off? No, the thing is bloody perfect. 

Its a Saeco Giro, three years old and barely used, Wolfie said. Papa made the coffees and I finally got to have a decent cup'o'java at home.  

Who's the hero in this story? ME!

bonanza

This week Mama and Papa have been disappearing every day at the same time. They told me that they are attending a German course for the next few weeks. I thought they already spoke German?

Yesterday before they left, Papa said 'Don't worry, we are going out to our restaurant later, we'll be back soon.' And then they chucked me in my crate and left. I was feeling pretty tired anyway.

By the time we went out to our restaurant, the Kurhaus Korsakow, I was still tired but I do love going outside. We sat in a different spot in the restaurant where I could see everything. It was tiring for me to say 'Hi' to everyone that walked in. I kept barking at Mama to feed me a bit of her schnitzel and she always did! (Papa never does..Boooo!)

After they were done I thought we were going home. I was really tired. But instead they took me for more of a walk. We went on a U-Barney somewhere. The train is fun but I get a bit scared. Because I am so little, sometimes people don't see me and I am always at risk of getting stepped on. Most of these fuckwits are on their phones or listening to their music with headphones on to notice me. Papa tries to keep me safe but I always pull away trying to see what is going on.

Out of the train we went for a walk, and then we got the U-Barney again back to our neighbourhood. More fuckwits with phones trying to step on me. Out of the U-Barney again we got a tram a very short distance home. Papa keeps saying 'How good are these month cards eh!' Not sure what he means.

I was absolutely stuffed by the time we got home.

This morning before they left Papa sat me down and said 'Sorry Barney, we have to leave again and you won't be going outside at all today'. Shit.

When they came back in the afternoon I wasn't having it. I wanted to go outside. I said 'Papa, while you have been out I have been checking out shit on the internet and apparently one of the best coffee places in Berlin is a tram ride away. Take me there!'.

Papa didn't need convincing so we got the tram up to Prenzlauer Berg.

The place I selected is called 'Bonanza Coffee Heroes'. They roast their own beans and have a special coffee machine and everyone reckons its ace.

The guy that made the coffees looked like 'Shaggy' from Scooby Doo! But he made a good coffee.

I wasn't allowed inside so we had our coffees outside. We were literally 'chilling' out there.

Good coffee as I said, very smooth and not very hot, just the right temperature. This meant we finished them pretty quickly.

Before getting back on the tram I needed to sniff out the place.

And then leave my calling card. This is my tree now...as are several others on the way there and back.

We took the tram back and Papa held me most of the way to protect me from all the feet and lots of prams.

I'm glad I made them take me there, good coffee and a nice day out for me.

suits for horses

After reading about my frequent dirty fur outside exploits my benefactor decided to do something about it. She (Young, slim, vibrant Auntie Toni) ordered me a new snow jacket. She had read that Mama and Papa bought a non waterproof cheapie that clearly wasn't doing the job. She would fix things she told me in an email.

But then a disruption to the plan. The jacket she ordered was too small. I never saw it, but she thought it would be after seeing how I've filled out recently. So, she spoke with Mama and Papa and then ordered me another one and had it sent directly to my house here in Berlin.

Yesterday the door phone buzzer thing rang in our apartment and it was the Deutsche Post lady. Papa went to get it. All of us gathered around to open the package. We knew what it was because Auntie Toni gave us the heads up it was coming.

I was waiting to see my new jacket. Mama broke open the package and then to all our shock we saw that the thing was, how do I say, a little too big. When I say a little, I actually mean waaaaay too big. We didn't even try to put it on me as it was so clear that it was sized to fit a human or a pony.

We all had a bit of a laugh and then felt bad that Auntie Toni's efforts had come to a chuckle. And such a shame as this thing is like a onesie, I could roll around in all kinds of crap and come out squeaky clean.

Then all of a sudden Mama and Papa started measuring me, with Papa's belt. Last time they did it with a bit of paper.

It was clear now why Mama and Papa had measured me before with the paper. They had given Auntie Toni the sizes. THEY had fucked it up and now we had a hot air balloon in the house. Unbelievable. Buy a measuring tape already.

I said to them 'You fucked it up, you sort it out'. So they got in touch with Aunty Toni today and apparently are now getting something done about it. They better! I'm sorry they are such morons Aunty Toni.

I better not miss out on any walks because of this.