So I've been quiet with my blog. So what. Well, actually, I'll tell you why. It because I can't flipping say what I flipping want.
Here's how it went down.
So, we've been going for walks and what not and I've been telling you all how it has been going for me... in my own way. Then Papa sits me down last week and says:
'Well Barney, it's great you are writing your own stories but you have got to tone down the salty language. People think you are a cute little doggie, but they are finding out that you are foul mouthed. Is that how you want to be seen?'
'Sugar'. I said. 'Can't I flipping well write what I flipping well want?'
'Well in a way yes, but if you don't relax on the swearing a bit I am going to have to review your writing and change it'. Papa said. 'If you need to emphasise certain things, then why not substitute certain words, like instead of saying f*ck, why not write "flip" and instead of sh*t, you could write "sugar", what do you think?'
'Flip that, this is bullsugar and flipping censorship man. You can flip off. This is sugar.'
'Come on Barney, there's no need to be like that' he said.
'But I learnt all these words from you Papa, and then some!' I said.
'Ssshhh' he said. 'It's okay for you and I to shoot the sugar with the sailor language at home, but I am expecting a bit of maturity from you. You don't hear my flipping swearing all the time do you? Well not ALL the time anyway'.
Then he said 'I don't want to have to threaten you but if you don't calm it down a bit we might have to wash your mouth out with soap'.
And then he showed me the soap and a toothbrush. That seems like a flipping threat to me. And what the flip does soap have to do with this sugary situation anyway?
I was flipping fuming. Papa is the biggest hypocrite, and Mama too if she thinks she's the angel of language as well. I wonder if she is on this 'sit down intervention' as well and just made Papa do the dirty work.
Papa said I should think about it, and that he would 'review' my next blog story if I decided to keep writing. I told him that changing my words would make the stories sugar, that he could flip off and then I went to bed.
But I did think it over during the night. And over the week I guess I have come to understand a bit more about why they felt the need to sit me down. But! I don't agree with changing how I express my self. That's me man, that's how I write, and if something is flipped, then I'm gonna call it and say it's flipped. Why soften it by saying 'flip' when you can say what you really want and shout it out...FLIIIIIIP!
Also over the week Mama and Papa have been really good to me and I realised that they are really good to me all the time. Since moving to Berlin they are around ALL the time. I asked them yesterday and they said 'We stopped working so that we can spend more time together as a family, and we moved countries so that you can come with us more often when we go places that ordinarily you wouldn't have been allowed to go to'.
I thought about what they said. They are absolutely right, but I didn't tell them that.
And then, they took me out last night to dinner, at 'our' place, the 'Kurhaus Korsakow', partly because Papa like a bargain and Mama loves a schnitzel but also because its a restaurant they know they can take me to without hassle.
On the walk there and back most of the snow had melted and I got myself dirty again. On the way home they stopped so I could enjoy a light show on the footpath, but they knew I was dirty and wanted to help me get clean.
At home Papa said he would try and make things easier for me and wash me in the hand basin.
Here's how it went down.
So, we've been going for walks and what not and I've been telling you all how it has been going for me... in my own way. Then Papa sits me down last week and says:
'Well Barney, it's great you are writing your own stories but you have got to tone down the salty language. People think you are a cute little doggie, but they are finding out that you are foul mouthed. Is that how you want to be seen?'
'Sugar'. I said. 'Can't I flipping well write what I flipping well want?'
'Well in a way yes, but if you don't relax on the swearing a bit I am going to have to review your writing and change it'. Papa said. 'If you need to emphasise certain things, then why not substitute certain words, like instead of saying f*ck, why not write "flip" and instead of sh*t, you could write "sugar", what do you think?'
'Flip that, this is bullsugar and flipping censorship man. You can flip off. This is sugar.'
'Come on Barney, there's no need to be like that' he said.
'But I learnt all these words from you Papa, and then some!' I said.
'Ssshhh' he said. 'It's okay for you and I to shoot the sugar with the sailor language at home, but I am expecting a bit of maturity from you. You don't hear my flipping swearing all the time do you? Well not ALL the time anyway'.
Then he said 'I don't want to have to threaten you but if you don't calm it down a bit we might have to wash your mouth out with soap'.
And then he showed me the soap and a toothbrush. That seems like a flipping threat to me. And what the flip does soap have to do with this sugary situation anyway?
I was flipping fuming. Papa is the biggest hypocrite, and Mama too if she thinks she's the angel of language as well. I wonder if she is on this 'sit down intervention' as well and just made Papa do the dirty work.
Papa said I should think about it, and that he would 'review' my next blog story if I decided to keep writing. I told him that changing my words would make the stories sugar, that he could flip off and then I went to bed.
But I did think it over during the night. And over the week I guess I have come to understand a bit more about why they felt the need to sit me down. But! I don't agree with changing how I express my self. That's me man, that's how I write, and if something is flipped, then I'm gonna call it and say it's flipped. Why soften it by saying 'flip' when you can say what you really want and shout it out...FLIIIIIIP!
Also over the week Mama and Papa have been really good to me and I realised that they are really good to me all the time. Since moving to Berlin they are around ALL the time. I asked them yesterday and they said 'We stopped working so that we can spend more time together as a family, and we moved countries so that you can come with us more often when we go places that ordinarily you wouldn't have been allowed to go to'.
I thought about what they said. They are absolutely right, but I didn't tell them that.
And then, they took me out last night to dinner, at 'our' place, the 'Kurhaus Korsakow', partly because Papa like a bargain and Mama loves a schnitzel but also because its a restaurant they know they can take me to without hassle.
On the walk there and back most of the snow had melted and I got myself dirty again. On the way home they stopped so I could enjoy a light show on the footpath, but they knew I was dirty and wanted to help me get clean.
At home Papa said he would try and make things easier for me and wash me in the hand basin.
It didn't work and he had to wash me in the shower. Mama had to dry me with the towel, and they both combed and dried me off with the hairdryer.
Thinking about it, they are really doing the rightey by me and the swearing thing is just a little bump in the road. It seems that everything is forgiven. I love them, they love me. And I am back writing. I don't know how things will go from here with the writing stuff, but I ain't changin' my views and style. If it keeps being a problem maybe I'll write less, or stop altogether. I don't want it to come between us.
I wonder if Papa will really check my writing this time, and change my flips to flips and my sugars to sugars?.
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