Faking it

This week started off on a bit of an awkward note with me and Papa.

It was Monday morning and I was doing my thing, licking and exploring under the bed, when he tried to grab me out from under there. In doing so, he pinched my fur and skin and it hurt. So I bit him. He shouted at me, I growled back at him and we were both pretty stand-offish for the rest of the morning.

By lunchtime Mama and Papa said they were going out. I asked Mama (didn't dare talk to Papa) if I could come with. She said ok. Papa said 'fine, but we're bike walking'.

So we went out and man they really made me run while they were on their bikes. I was getting knackered and my arm was getting a bit sore. I thought Papa was getting revenge on me for biting him earlier.

Back at home they noticed I was limping a bit to stay off my sore arm. All of a sudden they were both really nice to me. I realised quick that it was the limp, so I really laid it on. I pretended I was extra sore and limped really badly around the house. I was getting a lot of attention, the bite from earlier was forgotten and Papa was caring for me like a champ. Ha, I was going to have some fun with this.

So the next two days I kept limping. I overheard them saying that they thought I was faking. Hmm I was going to have to play it a bit smarter.

I was still getting the special treatment but the backfire was that they would't take me outside and they were growing suspiscious. 'You need to rest' they kept saying. Shit, I wanted to go out. It was so nice outside.

So I scaled the limp back slightly, so that by Thursday when I asked to go out they said 'Okay, but just to the park over the road so you don't need to walk to far. We'll have a picnic!'

Woo Hoo. I was pretty excited. Papa made us all coffees and then we took them down to the park.

I got settled in with my coffee...

And we people watched, the sunbathers...

And a couple of girls making some drip painting...

It was getting hot, (the coffee didn't help) but I was loving it outside.

But then I was having too much trouble keeping cool, so Papa put some water over me to keep cool...

 I was really enjoying my family day in the park, so much so that when we ended the picnic and walked home I forgot my fake limp and ran all the way through the garden and up the stairs - with no limp.

The game was up.

Inside they both confronted me 'A-HA! We KNEW it!!!'

I put the limp back on for a bit but it was over. No more special treatment. Shit.

Everything has calmed down now though and we are back to normal. I was pulled out from under the bed by Papa again this morning and even though he pinched me again, I held back and didn't bite him this time.

I haven't cooked up a new scheme just yet so I need to keep everyone on my good side. I'll come up with something though :)

Foster Child

Bloody hell, no body tells me 'nuffin.

So you probably read about Mama and Papa's trip to Poland last weekend. I WASN'T INVITED!!

Here's how it went down.

Friday night some people I've met with came to stay the night (F&A). Cool, I like a sleep over. I even got involved...

So it's all fun and games Saturday morning and then Mama and Papa say "okay, we're off to Poland now'.

So, I say to F & A, nice seeing you peeps, I'm going to POLAND! woo hoo.

And then Mama says...'whoa Barney, not you. You aren't coming to Poland. You are staying here with F & A.'

BACK THE TRUCK UP.

WTF

I was speechless.

What am I? some kind of orphan, foster child, unwanted POSSESSION!! I was mad.

The last time they left me like this, they went away for A YEAR.

I was worried.

They left, but F & A were nice to me. I know A quite well, but F is new'ish to me but he is great. He was giving me lots of treats (more than Mama and Papa) and I was getting lots of attention.

When they left for the day though, I got a bit nervous and wound up - were they leaving me too? I sat on the bed getting all worried and my tummy was feeling sore. I vommed on the bed. Ooops.

F & A came back not long after and they didn't know what to do. They were concerned but I was fine by then. As long as they don't leave me along too long.

So they told me they had been out to see some friends but were now back to spend more time with me. This was fun and we had a great time. F, again not knowing how much I should get fed, was giving me treat after treat. I like F :)

We all had a great time and I soon lost my anger toward Mama and Papa - maybe it's a good thing I make friends and spend time with other people. Maybe they were right to leave me home, after all I do like my bed and who knows what the situation was in Poland, and all the walking and the foreign food and the language, AHH forget about it....leave me at home to party with my new friends.

We were having such a great time together that before I knew it the party was over. On Monday F & A left the house - with F giving me a big hug and A saying she would be back later. They left and then a couple of hours later Mama and Papa were back.

I had a pretty good weekend actually at home with my new pals. I wonder when Mama and Papa will go away again.

Shit Haircut

As always, things happen in my life of which I have no say of. Often they are great things and sometimes not.

This week was one of the 'not' things - Papa gave me a shit haircut.

One day, he just picks me up and first clips my nails (don't like that) and then starts chopping my hair with the razor.

Things were going like normal until he went around my neck, stopped and then just said 'UMMMM - I can probably fix that'.

'WTF! What have you done?' I asked him. He showed me in the mirror...

Mama heard the commotion and came in to see for herself. Her gasp indicated to me that it was as bad as I thought. Mama and Papa had a discussion, to which Papa was barred from 'styling' me any longer.

We surveyed the damage some more.

He'd even fucked up my paws...but not as bad as my neck...

I cracked it and stormed off. 'I'm not fucking going anywhere until this crappy cut grows back', and I sat myself by the window.

Papa tried to say it wasn't bad, but we all knew it was a shit haircut. I wasn't willing to discuss it anymore and ignored them both.

I wonder how long it's going to take to grow over?