Dog coats required in Berlin

I've been feeling a bit neglected recently. Hardly any walks.

'It's too cold Barney' - they keep telling me, yet THEY still keep going out.

Yesterday when they came back home they said 'ooh you wouldn't want to go out there, it's raining, and it's fucking cold'.

Okay, so rain is a good excuse - I don't like the rain, but the cold, man I don't care.

So today they said 'Hey Barn, it's not raining today, lets all go out!'

Wooo Hooo.

So they put me in my winter coat and we went out. Yep it's cold!!, and apparently it was warmer today than it was earlier in the week - maybe they are right sometimes. But I have my jacket so I'm good to go!

Why do dogs lick?

Okay, so we all have little Obsessive Compulsive habits right? Mine just happens to be that I like licking stuff.

That ain't so bad is it?

Well my parents think its a bad thing and it is a constant source of tension between us. I can't tell you how many times a day I get shouted at 'BARNEY, DON'T LICK!'

Truth is I can't stop. I habitually lick the bed spread and the pillows.

I keep hearing Mama and Papa saying 'I wonder if he is salt or sugar deficient?'

Yea I have my problems, but those two have their own fucking stupid habits and I don't say anything about that do I! Lay off me man.

So this morning, as usual I had a bit of a licking attack. Papa picks me up and says 'Right Barney, we are going to sort this out. I've devised an experiment to see what is going on.'

So he puts me down in front of a plate, with lines of different food stuffs:

• Hazelnut spread, 
• Peanut butter
• Sugar 
• Salt 
• Honey

I have only ever heard of hazelnut spread and peanut butter, no idea what the other shit is.

And he smugly says to Mama - 'Okay, so we will watch him and see what he goes for and that will determine what he needs'.

I get put in front of this stupid plate, like I am a scientific experiment and Papa says to me in such a condescending way, 'Good boy, go for it champ!'

Fuck you and your champ bullshit. But I went to lick at the plate anyway. It's what I do.

I immediately went for the shit I knew about. Hazelnut spread first...I love that!

Then I paused. Papa says 'Is that it Barney? there's more for you there'

I know dickhead, no need to rush.

After my pause I went for the peanut butter, yum. Another pause.

Papa turns to Mama, 'Looks like he's stopped'

No I hadn't geez, just give me a break Mr speedy.

I then went for the shit called sugar. WHOA! really strong sweet taste, but I still licked it all up. I liked the small amount there but wouldn't want much more.

Then Papa looks at Mama and says 'I think he's going for the salt next' now we'll see if that is what he's after'.

I try the salt. HOLY FUCK what is this shit? This is disgusting and my tongue shrivelled up in my mouth like a turtle going back in its shell. Fuck that, I wasn't going to try any more of that.

And the last sticky shit? The honey? I didn't touch it. Papa dipped his finger in it and I had a quick lick of it. Not impressed, but then again I couldn't taste a fucking thing after the salt fiasco.

Papa looked at me. He looked at Mama.

I thought, What's your conclusion Genius?

He stood there, rubbed his head and exclaimed - 'These test results are inconclusive. He likes the sweet spread and the salty spread, the sugar, but not the salt and the honey. It doesn't make sense'.

'Maybe he's just got a psychological disorder'.

Duh, I could have told him that.

We all gave up. I went to sleep and everyone went back to what they were doing.

Just let me lick dude - it's just something I do. Deal with it.

The oven repair man

A few weeks ago Mama and Papa were having a baking night. Papa likes to make the most of turning the oven on (saving energy he says) so they made pizza, bagels and a cake. It was only after they had prepared everything that they realised something was wrong with the oven...it wouldn't heat up over 150 degrees.

'The bottom element is fucked' Papa said. I didn't think he was an electrician, but he knows the technical terms. 

In this oven the bottom element is concealed so it's not easily accessible. Papa said he didn't think he should do the job himself as it means pulling the oven out. He said last time he tried to fix an oven he electrocuted himself.

'Well am I getting my pizza and cake tonight?' I asked.

'We will try Barney, but it's gonna take a while because we are on half power'.

And it did take a while, like hours to cook all this shit, but finally they got everything cooked, though everything was well done on the top and underdone on the bottom.

Since then we've had no baked goods. :(

'When are you gonna get this fixed, I want some fucking pizza this week' I said.

'It's not our stuff Barney, so we need to log it in with the owner'.

And log it in they did, and the owner is very quick, and she logged it with the 'Hausverwaltung' (property managers) and they logged it with a repair company. The repair company got back to us within the day and arranged a time to come the next week - between 8 and 10 am.

So the day came and we all got up at 7:30am. This killed us getting up that early. We are used to poor service and wondered if the guy would come at 9:58am, if at all. But, he came at around 8:30am. Wunderbar!

The guy was all smiles and Guten Morgen. Mama offered the guy a coffee and when he said yes, Papa had to make it. Papa was in the man's way because the coffee machine is next to the oven. The guy got on with the job.

Papa asked if he could help Mr Repairman, and he pretty much said, 'You can help by getting out of the way'.

He had to pull the oven out, tested the element and said 'Ja, es ist kaput'. 

He put a new element in, and refitted the oven, and then made sure everything worked. He told us that 'Es funktioniert gut!' We all cheered and hailed a new era of baking!

He showed us the old element - it had 'exploded' he said, due to age (about 8 years he reckoned) and then he made gestures as if turning the knobs of the oven to full and said 'und viel sehr heiß Pizzas!'. Okay, enough of the jokes repair man.

With the oven back in place, Mr repair man got Papa to sign the work slip, which included the cost...145 Euros!! Fuck! who's gonna pay for that. Papa had a heart attack, but said the landlady is probably paying for the work. Phew.

So now we have a working oven again...woo hoo! 'When are we having pizza?' I asked.

'Let's just have breakfast first and worry about pizza later' Papa said.

I guess 8:30am is a bit early for pizza, so I let them make me breakfast instead, eggs on toast.

Still no answer on when I'm getting pizza though...

Sumbitch of a bone

So, two months ago today Mama and Papa went to their rock-and-roll mega weekend.

When they left the house they said 'Barney, we are going out and will be gone for quite a long time'.

'So' I said.

'Well, to give you something to do we got you a new bone to chew on'. They said.

Getting a new bone is no new thing. I usually get these little things and knock them off in a day or two. I can break any toy in minutes or less, and I can put away food quick too. The news of some pissy bone was no biggie for me and they could see I was unimpressed.

'Barney, wait before you pre-judge, check out THIS bone!'

This intrigued me somewhat so I sat down and got excited. Where the fuck is it already?

'Here you go' they said.

Hmmm, looked sorta big, but I couldn't see with it in the packaging.

I unpacked it and yea, it was pretty big! I ran to my bed to get to work on it. They left for their concerts and I thought 'I'll show them that they can't defeat me, I'll finish this thing before they even get back'.

Well, I was wrong. I've been working on this 'sumbitch of a bone for like 10 - 30 minuted per day for the last two months.

Here's a pic of me still going on the thing two months to the day later. This thing is driving me fucking crazy.

I'm like almost half way there. Fuck my jaw is tired.

Sumbitch of a bone. Bah!

I am 9 today!

Okay, listen up, I turned 9 today!

When I woke up, Mama and Papa made a big deal about me (as they should!) and then I got an embarrassing birthday crown to wear. Hilarious, I wore it with pride for as long as I could...but Papa made it and it kept falling off my head. He's not a hat maker, but he loves me and that's what counts.

To celebrate my birthday they asked me 'Barney, what would you like to do today?'

I said 'It's Saturday right? Let's go to the markets at Boxhagener Platz' (they are my favourite markets).

So they said that wasn't a problem and we went out straight away.

The weather was beautiful and it was so nice to be out and about in this great dog friendly city and the great weather.

The markets were so nice too.

After the markets, Mama and Papa said 'Barney, there is a beer festival on today, do you want to go there?'

'Fuck yea' I said.

So we went. So cool.

After that I said I was ready to go home to chill out. They said no problems but that they wanted to stop off somewhere first. Okay...we stopped off as Papa went inside the shop to get something. He didn't say what it was.

Back at home, Papa unwrapped what he had bought at the shops...it was some cake for me!!

How good was that!!

It didn't take me long to knock it all off. Apparently it was called a Kirschen Plotzer Kuchen. It was a very tasty cherry cake. Yummmm.

After all that and a great birthday I took my leave to have a nap. I am 9 after all...and proud of it.

Picnic Season

Okay okay, so I haven't been writing much lately. That's because I've been living my life...living THE life!

And what's the life?, well for me its been PICNIC SEASON!

The weather has been fucking lovely, sometimes a bit hot, but I always get looked after.

Take for example this picnic we had at Tempelhof Airport, in Tempelhof of course.

We were out in the middle (well not quite) of the field and because it used to be an airport there aren't any trees for shade there. But Mama and Papa brought me some shade and my water. So I was happy.

Mama wanted out of the sun too, even though she had a hat and no one else did, she wanted more shade. We both sought relief and were happy. Fuck the others. They should have come properly prepared.

I made some new friends and of course everyone loves me.

We had another picnic at a local park near us. Much cooler weather so no need for shade. It actually rained a bit but it didn't put out the fire in our grill.

And another week we went to the Turkish markets in Kreuzberg, picked up some bread and dips and then went to Görlitzer Park. It was also nice weather with not too much sun and no rain. Notice how I have the good picnic blanket all to myself and the others have nothing? hahaha. Eventually Mama and Papa made me share. I didn't mind, I spilt water over the rug and tried to blame it on Papa. Everyone knew it was me though, so I sat away from the scene of the crime for the rest of the picnic.

So, I have been having a great picnic season. The weather is turning colder and wetter now so I wonder if we will be able to squeeze any more in before it is too late...I hope so.

Party night with the gang

Mama and Papa had left me alone all day and I was feeling lonely. It's not unusual for them to go out and leave me home, but they were gone for fucking ages. I worry about them. I was happy when they got home and told me I was coming out with them for party night.

First stop was off to Tom & Danikas place to meet up and grab a drink. Then we got the train to Kreuzberg to get some dinner. Everyone had a roadie from the Spätkauf (late night shop) which is totally legit in Berlin.

Dinner was at Hühnerhaus, literal translation 'Chicken House' and it sells chicken. Duh. This was a good meal and everyone was giving me sneaky feeds under the table.

After dinner we walked to a bar / restaurant which is on the river spree called the Freischwimmer. It was a bit of a walk so I got photos with everyone on the way.

With the walk still in progress it was time for a rest at another Spätkauf for refills. I sat outside with Danika.

And had some laughs with Jack.

And then got the group shot outside the Späti once everyone had reloaded.

Not long after that we were at the Freischwimmer. We got seated quickly on the tables that run along the river. The waitress immediately got my drink first - she know's who is most important.

The night was going great, and me and Papa had some laughs...

And me and Jack were back at it again playing drinking games.

Then it was getting a bit silly. If you can't read it, Papa's watch says 1:17am.

It was getting late for me so I went back to ground level to re-hydrate...

And pass out.

We left the Freischwimmer and I took a moment to look over the Spree river at the Oberbaumbrücke.

Then I thought, Hey Gang, lets get a photo here!

And then I thought, maybe the buskers want photos with me too, like these guys...

And this guy....

It was late now...like too late for me. I was fucking tired. Time to go home.

It was a magic night. I can't remember how I got home :)