Faking it

This week started off on a bit of an awkward note with me and Papa.

It was Monday morning and I was doing my thing, licking and exploring under the bed, when he tried to grab me out from under there. In doing so, he pinched my fur and skin and it hurt. So I bit him. He shouted at me, I growled back at him and we were both pretty stand-offish for the rest of the morning.

By lunchtime Mama and Papa said they were going out. I asked Mama (didn't dare talk to Papa) if I could come with. She said ok. Papa said 'fine, but we're bike walking'.

So we went out and man they really made me run while they were on their bikes. I was getting knackered and my arm was getting a bit sore. I thought Papa was getting revenge on me for biting him earlier.

Back at home they noticed I was limping a bit to stay off my sore arm. All of a sudden they were both really nice to me. I realised quick that it was the limp, so I really laid it on. I pretended I was extra sore and limped really badly around the house. I was getting a lot of attention, the bite from earlier was forgotten and Papa was caring for me like a champ. Ha, I was going to have some fun with this.

So the next two days I kept limping. I overheard them saying that they thought I was faking. Hmm I was going to have to play it a bit smarter.

I was still getting the special treatment but the backfire was that they would't take me outside and they were growing suspiscious. 'You need to rest' they kept saying. Shit, I wanted to go out. It was so nice outside.

So I scaled the limp back slightly, so that by Thursday when I asked to go out they said 'Okay, but just to the park over the road so you don't need to walk to far. We'll have a picnic!'

Woo Hoo. I was pretty excited. Papa made us all coffees and then we took them down to the park.

I got settled in with my coffee...

And we people watched, the sunbathers...

And a couple of girls making some drip painting...

It was getting hot, (the coffee didn't help) but I was loving it outside.

But then I was having too much trouble keeping cool, so Papa put some water over me to keep cool...

 I was really enjoying my family day in the park, so much so that when we ended the picnic and walked home I forgot my fake limp and ran all the way through the garden and up the stairs - with no limp.

The game was up.

Inside they both confronted me 'A-HA! We KNEW it!!!'

I put the limp back on for a bit but it was over. No more special treatment. Shit.

Everything has calmed down now though and we are back to normal. I was pulled out from under the bed by Papa again this morning and even though he pinched me again, I held back and didn't bite him this time.

I haven't cooked up a new scheme just yet so I need to keep everyone on my good side. I'll come up with something though :)

Foster Child

Bloody hell, no body tells me 'nuffin.

So you probably read about Mama and Papa's trip to Poland last weekend. I WASN'T INVITED!!

Here's how it went down.

Friday night some people I've met with came to stay the night (F&A). Cool, I like a sleep over. I even got involved...

So it's all fun and games Saturday morning and then Mama and Papa say "okay, we're off to Poland now'.

So, I say to F & A, nice seeing you peeps, I'm going to POLAND! woo hoo.

And then Mama says...'whoa Barney, not you. You aren't coming to Poland. You are staying here with F & A.'

BACK THE TRUCK UP.

WTF

I was speechless.

What am I? some kind of orphan, foster child, unwanted POSSESSION!! I was mad.

The last time they left me like this, they went away for A YEAR.

I was worried.

They left, but F & A were nice to me. I know A quite well, but F is new'ish to me but he is great. He was giving me lots of treats (more than Mama and Papa) and I was getting lots of attention.

When they left for the day though, I got a bit nervous and wound up - were they leaving me too? I sat on the bed getting all worried and my tummy was feeling sore. I vommed on the bed. Ooops.

F & A came back not long after and they didn't know what to do. They were concerned but I was fine by then. As long as they don't leave me along too long.

So they told me they had been out to see some friends but were now back to spend more time with me. This was fun and we had a great time. F, again not knowing how much I should get fed, was giving me treat after treat. I like F :)

We all had a great time and I soon lost my anger toward Mama and Papa - maybe it's a good thing I make friends and spend time with other people. Maybe they were right to leave me home, after all I do like my bed and who knows what the situation was in Poland, and all the walking and the foreign food and the language, AHH forget about it....leave me at home to party with my new friends.

We were having such a great time together that before I knew it the party was over. On Monday F & A left the house - with F giving me a big hug and A saying she would be back later. They left and then a couple of hours later Mama and Papa were back.

I had a pretty good weekend actually at home with my new pals. I wonder when Mama and Papa will go away again.

Shit Haircut

As always, things happen in my life of which I have no say of. Often they are great things and sometimes not.

This week was one of the 'not' things - Papa gave me a shit haircut.

One day, he just picks me up and first clips my nails (don't like that) and then starts chopping my hair with the razor.

Things were going like normal until he went around my neck, stopped and then just said 'UMMMM - I can probably fix that'.

'WTF! What have you done?' I asked him. He showed me in the mirror...

Mama heard the commotion and came in to see for herself. Her gasp indicated to me that it was as bad as I thought. Mama and Papa had a discussion, to which Papa was barred from 'styling' me any longer.

We surveyed the damage some more.

He'd even fucked up my paws...but not as bad as my neck...

I cracked it and stormed off. 'I'm not fucking going anywhere until this crappy cut grows back', and I sat myself by the window.

Papa tried to say it wasn't bad, but we all knew it was a shit haircut. I wasn't willing to discuss it anymore and ignored them both.

I wonder how long it's going to take to grow over?

Bike Walk

Papa has come up with a new term in our household - 'bikewalking'.

He decided upon this when he and Mama got frustrated with me mucking around in the house.

'You've got too much energy young man!' they kept shouting at me. They discussed amongst themselves what to do and then Papa had an idea, 'I'm going to take him for a bike walk'.

'What the fuck is that?' I asked.

'You are about to find out'. 

So he gets me dressed up in all the usual lead and collar crap and we go outside. But he get's his bike out.

'What's going on here man?', I said, 'I don't want to go in the bag again today!'.

'Nup, no bag Barn - I'm riding, you are running'.

That sounded pretty good to me as I don't get to run that much. Apparently I can't be trusted off the leash.

This was actually really good! Usually I am pulling them along as we walk, but this time he was riding as fast as I wanted to run.

And like the wind I ran!...

But then after about 100 metres I completely ran out of steam.

 I am embarrassingly unfit.

I saw a dog on the side of the street and he ran over to say hi. I stopped running immediately. Papa told me not to do that again.

I had a quick chat with this guy, but his owner wasn't keen to let the dog socialise with an athlete like me, so they left pretty quick.

Papa and I kept running, but I was pooped and he could tell I needed to stop.

For some reason he thought the bike basket was a good place to rest.

It's not very comfortable, but at that point I could have passed out anywhere.

After I got my breath back we went slowly home.

I dunno about this bike walking business. I love running, but I've realised I'm not quite fit enough to do it for long. As long as Papa can work out when I am tired maybe it will be a good thing. But I'm bloody knackered now and don't want to do anything for a few days.

Turkish Markets Monkey Business

Papa said yesterday was supposed to be the only nice weather for the week. He lied. I got up this morning and it was sunny (not cloudy and rainy like he said) and the weather man said it was 21 degrees again!

I said 'Let's get out there!'

They said no probs, their friends were dog sitting and they had arranged a meet and greet between the dog (Monkey) and me at the Turkish markets.

The thing is, the markets is a bit of a ways away from our place and I said I didn't want to walk all that way. Papa said we could go on the bikes, but that would mean I'd have to go in the bag again - like last years efforts for my one year anniversary in Berlin. I said 'C'mon, its so nice outside, I don't wanna go in the bag...work something else out'.

Papa said, okay, I'll hold you and we'll see how that goes. And so he did. It was a bit hairy, but he's a good rider and strong as an ox. It was just a bit uncomfortable and tiring, but LOTS of fun.

Before going to the markets, we met up with Monkey at a cafe. It was an awkward first meet...

But we gots to chattin' and he was a good sort...so we became buds.

From the cafe we went to the market and it was SO busy. Far too busy for me and Monkey to walk down the main stall areas, so Papa took us in the middle bit - and we mucked around together for a while.

And a while, and a while, waiting for the shoppers to finish. Where the fuck was Mama... Me and Monkey had enough by now.

Finally they were all done. We said goodbye to Monkey and his temporary Mama, and headed home. Papa said, okay Barney, how do you want to do this...I got three options 1) hold again, 2) the bag or 3) you can run alongside me.

I thought about it for a moment and decided - Bugger it! a run would be nice.

I didn't factor in that he was on a bike and going quicker than usual. I was stuffed after just one minute.

'You better put me in the bag' I said.

'It will be hot' he said.

'I don't care. I'm tired. I want to go home'.

So he put me in the bag.

Another miscalculation on my part. Fuck it got hot in there. And the whole time we were riding home, Papa was saying...'Can you believe it's T-shirt weather already?!'....hmmm, hardly bundled in a black bag weather.
At least we were home in no time. Cool cool home.

Spring 2014 has Sprung!

As per bloody usual, Mama and Papa have been off without me over the last week. They keep claiming the weather has turned bad. I sometimes think they are lying to me, but sometimes it's plausible as they have come home wet from the rain.

This morning they went out to the shops, and when they got back they were beaming!

'Holey Moley Barney, you won't believe how nice the weather is today! AND, its the first day of SPRING!!'

I thought they were going a bit over the top, but then I remembered, nice weather = picnic season....FUCK YEA!

So I got really excited and started jumping about - 'Take me out, take me out, take me out'. And so they did. :)

We went for a walk around our neighbourhood, and bloody hell it was a nice day. 21 degrees outside, so sunny and so warm compared to how it has been.

In my excitement I had forgotten to bring a drink with me and I was overheating.

In our neighbourhood is Berlin's biggest second hand clothing store, Humana, so we went to check it out.

 Inside this 1950's building there is no air-conditioning. I was dying of heatstroke in there.

Multi-story, stuffy and not much stuff for dogs. I was losing interest. Panting like crazy, we found an open window on the fourth floor...phew I loved the breeze - and the view of my 'hood.

I managed to cool down a bit and I played with Papa, mucking around with all the stuff they have there...

I didn't find anything for me there, but while Mama tried on some DDR era stuff, I checked out this handsome fella in the mirror. heheh.

Back outside I stopped to talk to a few friends.

All the neighbourhood dogs had got word of the spring weather and we were all out enjoying the sun. This big guy told me he got caught in the rain yesterday so he was happy to have a day in the sun instead.

Marvellous!

Caution Dangerous Pomeranian

People have been busting my chops lately 'Why so quiet Barney?'

Well, the truth is that I have been a bit crook, sick, poorly, whatever you want to call it. Nothing life threatening but just not myself, sore guts and some bad food choices.

It all started after Valentines Day I guess. Maybe the cold and maybe too much food. I just felt bloated. I had no energy. All I wanted to do was sleep.

And then this week, woo hoo! I was feeling so much better and I was finally able to say to Mama and Papa - let's go out! And we did, back to strutting about town for a couple of days. And then disaster again...Sauerkraut!

I'd never had it before, and Mama and Papa didn't think it through before giving it to me. Partly my fault I guess because I stare them out during dinner and bark until Mama gives me some of whatever she's eating.

Back to the Sauerkraut - have you ever had this shit? I found out later it's 'chopped pickled cabbage'...the only thing even remotely appetising about those three words is 'chopped'.

So I didn't know better and wolfed down the bit I was given. A bit sour, but mixed with potato it was okay. But, later on in the evening, ooohh my guts were rumbling something fierce. I'd never felt like this before. I'd go to the toilet and nothing, just rumbles. I was so uncomfortable. This went on all night, even after we went to bed, constantly begging Mama or Papa to take me to the toilet, and NADA!

We all went back to bed each time and I tried to sleep it off, but at 3:30 am I had the jack of it and said 'NUP, I AIN'T HAVING THIS NO MORE!'. I woke Papa up and said 'You better let me out there pal...something's about to happen!'

So we went out to the bathroom and I walked in some circles but it wasn't coming, I thought maybe a walk around the living room will do it and yep...BAAARRFF. I almost got it on the carpet but Papa pushed me off last minute. It wasn't pretty, looked like my lungs and innards had come out. Bloody hell I felt better after that - though I did need a few days to recover as my sleep and appetite was all off.

Which brings us to today...I am back in fine form and the weather outside is unbelievable for this time of year, about 17 degrees and clear sunny skies.

We went for a walk around our neighbourhood and hung about by the train tracks. Near there is a big bulk items store where Papa had another of his 'hilarious' photo set ups with me. Groan.

The sign says - 'Vorsicht Gefährlicher Hund' which means 'Caution dangerous dog'. Good one Papa...another gold parenting moment. 

When I see a sign that says 'Caution Unfunny Person' I'll take a photo of him next to it. Pah!

Aside from the stupid photo, it was a glorious day and I was so happy to be back to normal!

We finished our walk by hanging out at the train tracks and skate park thing with the cool dudes.

I'm back!